selfishness

I had a great conversation this morning with a good friend. We started talking about how marriage has made us both aware of how selfish we really are. Here we are with the person we committed our lives to, the person with whom we spent thousands of dollars to declare our love in front of all our friends and family, the person we probably love more than any other, and they're the one who is on the receiving end of most of our personal junk.

For me that expresses itself so often in my own selfishness toward Matt. I need my time, my space, I'm the one who gets big and pregnant, I'm the one who has to do this, this, and this. . . The more I focus inward, the longer the list gets, the more selfish I become - blinding me to the countless ways that I am also being served in my marriage.

As much as my feelings and emotions often try to convince me that it's a one way street, deep down I know that I'm just listening to a lie. One verse from Philippians that has challenged me for years is this:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Humbly considering others better than myself. . .that is definitely a daily challenge. Especially around those with whom I am the least guarded - my family. But, I would much rather have this light pointing out my own shortcomings and be challenged to grow than to misunderstand my marriage and my kids for years because of my own selfishness.

. . . grace. . .

. . . mercy. . .