eclipse

woke up this morning
harsh light
half light
crescents revealed in the shadows
created out of darkness

woke up this morning
harsh life
half life
secrets revealed in the shadows
created out of darkness

can this be enough for life
this light has been overcome
eclipse
this light has been overcome
darkness
this light has been overcome
eclipse

there must be a way, I know there’s a way

woke up this morning
missing the light
something is off
crescents dancing in the shadows

woke up this morning
missing our life
something is off
secrets dancing in the shadows

we take the light for granted
we take our life for granted
till how we knew it

is gone.

Eclipse.

I wrote these lyrics about six weeks ago when there was an eclipse here in Spain. I didn't know there was an eclipse when I woke up, but I definitely noticed that things were off. There were too many shadows across our back porch, and there was this harsh brash look to everything outside. I took a walk and wondered how the ecology of our planet would be affected if this reduced amount was the normal amount of light we received from the sun. Which things would die off and which would be OK? What would the plants look like? Would it be enough light for life?


When I was walking through a park I remembered something from Mr. Grossenbacher's 11th grade physics class - that the leaves on trees act like pinhole cameras and project the image of the sun on the ground. Normally it's a bunch of circles, but during an eclipse there are millions of crescent shapes dancing all over the ground. It's magnificent. Walking around that morning, in such an odd light that made everything look and feel edgier made me start thinking about what a great metaphor an eclipse is for those moments that forever alter your life. There's this new light, this new filter through which you view everything. You want to go back but you can't and you wonder if there's even enough light going around to survive.

So I dressed up fro Halloween too even if it was only for 5 minutes and it was one of Abigail's costumes . . .

Trusting. . .

During my trip to Ireland I got to do something that travelers with toddlers don't usually get to do - I read a book.

Not having to worry about snacks and naps and diapers and blankies and binkies and ositos and strollers - not to mention the actual children - really freed up a lot of time while I was journeying. So, I read a book.

I hadn't ever read anything by Brennan Manning, and for years I've heard good things about his stuff, so I asked the Baileys if I could borrow a book by this author. They picked out and lent me Ruthless Trust. Not sure whether they know this or not about me, but one of the things I've continually struggled with over the years is really trusting God, so this book spoke to me from the first.

Several ideas were very refreshing and challenging to me. One is the idea that trust is rooted in thankfulness in all circumstances. Not just being thankful for sunny days and pay raises, but being thankful even in the midst of gloomy days and layoffs - and worse. The message of this book isn't a trite version of "trust God and he'll bless you with lots of good stuff." It deals with trusting and being thankful in the midst of the unthinkable kinds of tragedies that surround us everyday.

Another is the idea of living in and truly appreciating the moment - the now and here. I know my mind is constantly racing back and forth between what's just happened and what I'm planning for the future so that often I miss the amazing joys of right now. This isn't to say that we should be irresponsible and never remember or plan for anything, but that we don't always have to be so distracted.

Both of these have been hugely challenging to me especially in my relationship with Abigail and Isa. You always hear empty nesters saying something to the effect of, "Enjoy them now, they grow up so fast." I don't want the challenge of parenting on not much sleep cloud my days with grumpiness and anger. I want to be thankful for the spilled milk, crumbs on the floor, and interruptions of my sleep because they're paired with slobbery kisses, fierce hugs, and laughter like you wouldn't believe. I don't want my girls experiencing a mama who's mostly grumpy and annoyed, but one who's mostly joyful.

May God give me grace in this and help me to live joyfully and thankfully and to trust him and his plans.

Portaferry

Here I am with Belen in Portaferry. If you want to see more pics and read more about the trip check out my Portaferry blog.

Going to Ireland

Tomorrow I'm flying off to Portaferry, Northern Ireland where I'll get to spend the weekend with my good friend Belén from Santiago. She worked at Terra Nova until she got a six month internship in marine biology in Portaferry. When she was in Santiago she was my swimming buddy and we had a lot of laughs together. So I'm really hoping this weekend that we can catch up a bit and have a great time hanging out.

Map of Portaferry, County Down GB

I get back in on Monday. While I am so excited about my trip, I am also a bit nervous. I haven't traveled alone since college and while I usually take care of the details when our family travels, this time I won't have any backup. I think I'm most nervous about being away from the girls. Yes, I know it's only three nights, but it still feels like a lot. I know they'll be fine with Matt and that I'll be fine once I'm moving. It also doesn't help that I've been battling a cold all week. Anyway, next time I post hopefully I'll have some gorgeous pictures to share.

Chinese Church

I am rereading The Heavenly Man by Paul Hattaway. It's the account of Chinese pastor Brother Yun's experience of living and serving and sacrificing for the Lord in China. This is the second time I've read it, and let me tell you, it is breathtaking, shocking, horrifying, and incredibly miraculous all at the same time. I get used to God working in a certain, restrained, conservative way and then I read about the miracles and persecution in today's Chinese church and I'm reminded that God is way bigger than the limits my perceptions put on him.

You should check this book out.