dayenu

Saturday night we celebrated a Seder dinner at the Stribs house. It was the fourth time I've ever celebrated a Passover dinner, but Saturday night spoke to me more than any other year. At one point in the meal everyone at the table reads a long list of miracles that God performed for the Israelites like providing manna every day, appearing in a cloud by day and fire by night, parting the red sea, providing clothing, etc. And after reading each miracle, everyone at the table says, "dayenu," which means "it would have been suficient."


It would have been sufficient if God had only spared us from the plagues.


It would have been sufficient if God had only parted the Red Sea and let us escape the slavery of the Egyptians.


It would have been sufficient if God had only provided manna every day to eat in the desert.


It would have been sufficient if God had only appeared in the cloud and in the fire.


This is totally the attitude we should have toward God.


God, it should be sufficient to be married to an incredible guy. God, it should be sufficient to have healthy children. God, it should be sufficient to actually enjoy the work that we do.


Unfortunately, it's not. It wasn't sufficient for the Israelites to witness those amazing incredible miracles that God did every day - in their midst. No, the same morning that manna appeared for breakfast, Moses goes up to the mountain top to actually converse with God and at the foot of the mountain the Israelites are dancing around praising the likes of a golden calf.


Every day God was among them performing miracle after miracle and still they threw it right back at him. I look back and often think how could they miss it? I like to tell myself that if I didn't have to cook and food just appeared everyday ready to eat in the fridge that I wouldn't ever doubt God again. But then reality hits and I know that I'm just the same as the Israelites. I've been reading Philip Yancey's Disappointment with God this week and I see that there are circumstances in my life where I've pretty much given up on God. There are some things that I'm still hopeful about - my kids, my mariage, our work. In these things I see God working and I have hope.


But there are other places and other situations that I used to pray about a lot that I don't even pray about any more. I think I've in a way resigned myself that this is the way things are and that's the way things will always be for those situations. Even though I know that God is way bigger than any of these problems and that in a word any one of those situations could be healed and more amazing than I could imagine, deep down I think I've just about given up.


Now this is going to sound terrible, but I think it's probably easier for me to not think about those things and not pray about them because when nothing happens then it's still on me. That's OK. But what happens when I'm praying and praying about something and nothing happens? That's when the really scary questions start.


Reading in the book about whether or not God is unfair or hidden or silent is one thing. Putting those questions into the context of my own life and my own experience is a completely different thing. I'll let you know as I get farther into the book how things pan out.


By the way, the ciamelletti turned out great.