A New Law

Over the past few years - through conversations with summer teams, with teammates, with friends from home - God has shown me how my tendency is to come across an issue, form an opinion about it, file it away as dealt with, and move on. Through these conversations, I've learned that in following Jesus we're not called to positions, or rules, or laws, but that we're called to love.

I remember one summer in particular when we hashed out different sides to many touchy issues and discovered that God wasn't calling us to either "side," but to learn to live in what we described as a tension. A tension born out of knowing that following Jesus is so much bigger than checking off a list of requirements and comparing our lives to all the do's and don'ts. A tension formed from living each day listening to the Holy Spirit and responding out of that love - knowing that sometimes my actions won't always match up to everyone else's do's and don'ts.

Living in this tension, listening to the Holy Spirit, I still have so much to learn and grow, but it's a tough journey that I want to make. I want to love well. I want to follow Jesus - not just stick to a set of boiled-down conclusions and ethics.

A few weeks ago, a friend had us listen to a few tracks from Derek Webb's new CD. I think I've listened to it just about every day since. There are several powerful songs on the CD that I could blog about (it you want to listen to a couple for free or watch the video for "A New Law", check out his myspace.)

His song, A New Law captures the heart of this message that God keeps bringing me back to. Check it out:

A New Law
words and music by derek webb

(vs. 1)
don'’t teach me about politics and government
just tell me who to vote for

don'’t teach me about truth and beauty
just label my music

don't teach me how to live like a free man
just give me a new law

(pre-chorus)
i don'’t wanna know if the answers aren't easy
so just bring it down from the mountain to me

(chorus)
i want a new law
i want a new law
gimme that new law

(vs. 2)
don't teach me about moderation and liberty
i prefer a shot of grape juice

don't teach me about loving my enemies

don't teach me how to listen to the Spirit
just give me a new law

(bridge)
what'’s the use in trading a law you can never keep
for one you can that cannot get you anything
do not be afraid
do not be afraid
do not be afraid

This is for you Bethany!

My sister-in-law has been begging for a belly shot for weeks, and it's not going to get any better than this. Matt snagged this shot while I wasn't looking. Here I am about 9 weeks away from delivery. Now if there was a community theatre around here doing Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, I'd get the part of Violet Beauregard (after she chews Wonka's gum) for sure!

Three girls

So we found out a few weeks ago that our third baby is going to be another girl! At first we were slightly disappointed at the thought that we probably won't ever have a boy (we've always said just three), but the idea of three girls is very exciting to us. My mom has three sisters and a brother and she and her sisters have always been very close. I am praying for that kind of relationship for my girls.

Abigail really wanted a baby brother, and still asks us from time to time why she's getting another sister instead of a brother, but overall she's really excited about the baby coming. She keeps asking me how much more my tummy has to grow before the baby can come. She also has no shortage of invented names for the yet unnamed sibling (I know, it takes us forever to decide!) Tops on Abigail's list are Kaylor, Ami (pronounced "am-" like ham "ee"), and Geeter. Yes, Geeter. I think if we ever get a dog, I'll let her name it Geeter, but I'm not really one of those people who thinks it's a good idea to let their four-year-old name their new sister.

I am getting big and summer is looming. Never having been pregnant during the summer, and only hearing friends' stories of having to soak their feet in ice water at the end of a hot August day to cool off, I'm really relishing the idea. Tania and I were talking the other day, and as much as I'm looking forward to this baby, pregnancy has really lost its novelty for me. Especially the mood swings. . .

selfishness

I had a great conversation this morning with a good friend. We started talking about how marriage has made us both aware of how selfish we really are. Here we are with the person we committed our lives to, the person with whom we spent thousands of dollars to declare our love in front of all our friends and family, the person we probably love more than any other, and they're the one who is on the receiving end of most of our personal junk.

For me that expresses itself so often in my own selfishness toward Matt. I need my time, my space, I'm the one who gets big and pregnant, I'm the one who has to do this, this, and this. . . The more I focus inward, the longer the list gets, the more selfish I become - blinding me to the countless ways that I am also being served in my marriage.

As much as my feelings and emotions often try to convince me that it's a one way street, deep down I know that I'm just listening to a lie. One verse from Philippians that has challenged me for years is this:

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Humbly considering others better than myself. . .that is definitely a daily challenge. Especially around those with whom I am the least guarded - my family. But, I would much rather have this light pointing out my own shortcomings and be challenged to grow than to misunderstand my marriage and my kids for years because of my own selfishness.

. . . grace. . .

. . . mercy. . .

Rest

This is the first weekend in a LONG time that our family hasn't had major plans. I am really enjoying it. It's 4:30 pm and most of us are still in our PJ's. (Isa decided that today she'd just prefer to run around in just a diaper - we tried big-girl panties for a while but she peed in them just so we'd put her diaper back on. I think I'm more ready for patty training than she is!) Anyway, later this afternoon we're going over to the Bailey's house to dye eggs with all the kids. That's the most planning we've got going all weekend.

Yesterday we saw a good Friday procession and had a great conversation with Abigail about why Jesus died and what it is that we're celebrating. It's great.

I should go now, all the grocery stores were closed on Thurs and Friday for the holy days, so I've got to go and get stuff for tomorrow (once again, everything is closed) before we go to the Bailey's. Thanks to all of you out there who exported to us Easter grass, jelly beans, plastic eggs, etc.

Happy Easter!

I'm back . . .

It's been quite a while since I've blogged, and a lot has happened since my last post:

• The day after Thanksgiving we found out we're expecting again
• We went to the states for Christmas and got to go to Bethany's wedding reception
• My best friend from high school Krista Rea came to Santiago and visited for a month
• Isa turned 2
• The Striblings and the Hellmanns both left Santiago to move to Georgetown,TX and start a business together
• Abigail turned 4
• Matt and I took over leadership of the team here
  
• I turned 29
  
• It rained buckets for 18 days straight
  
• We found out we're having another girl!

Those are just the highlights, and I'm definitely still adjusting to the new rhythms and patterns that our life has now. I used to always tell myself how flexible I was (and to be honest I was probably a bit proud about it) but really when it comes down to it, I'm not as flexible as I once told myself that I was, and the reality is that transition is really hard for me. Which might explain why I haven't blogged in a while . . .